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  • Writer's picturesoniabenarab


Updated: Apr 17, 2019

Reflecting on...

What the fuck is the so called “present moment”? “Let go”, “be present”, “meditate”, “practice yoga”, “breathe”. All these tools/thoughts are on my mind pretty much every day and it’s a fucking headfuck! I constantly talk to myself and it got so out of hand that I now have multiple voices talking AT each other, in my own damn head! Despite this drama, today I had an aha moment that I wanna share with you. I realised that I am constantly projecting myself into something or someone different than what I actually have or am. Possessions, profession, partner, friends, family, it’s a MESS, all fields are contaminated. It’s like a virus that spreads fast, and I believe I’m not the only one affected. I call it; The-constant-projection-into-difference-disease. I know it’s super fucked up! But hey, I think I found an antidote, pay attention: It is not because my present is fucked up that I project myself into the future, but very much so because I project myself into the future that my present is fucked up. My constant (subconscious) insatisfaction is coming from the fact that I always compare myself with my future self (successful, happy, in love, whatever that means). It’s like comparing myself to Beyoncé everyday and having to deal with the huge deception that it is to realise I am not her! DUH!

It’s really exhausting and depressing waking up every morning without Blue Ivy by my side giving me a kiss and calling me Mama, or not having Jay-Z going down on me before going to sleep...! Ok really, what do I truly know about Beyoncé? Or even my future imaginary super self?

Fantasy, that’s all it is. And do you actually know what’s the definition of fantasy: The faculty or activity of imagining impossible or improbable things. - OMG surprise, fantasies are not achievable! So if you suffer from the same illness, how about we just stop setting our own selves for failure and embrace the wonderful beings we are here and now?

It truly is in the experience of the present that I find the beautiful peace and love that I am. I challenge ME & YOU!

/// follow me on instagram for more pics and blablabla @soniabenarab

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